The Day I Learned What Not to Say in an Interview
Ah, job interviews. The corporate equivalent of a first date, where you try to impress someone while also not revealing that you’re a complete disaster. We’ve all been there, right? Well, let me tell you about the day I learned – the hard way – what not to say in an interview. Buckle up, folks. This is going to be a cringe-worthy ride down memory lane.
Setting the Scene
Picture this: It’s 2015, and I’m a fresh-faced developer with about two years of experience under my belt. I’ve been grinding away at a small marketing agency, building websites for local businesses, but I’m ready for something bigger. I’ve set my sights on a mid-level front-end position at a well-known tech company in the city.
I spent weeks preparing. I brushed up on my JavaScript, practiced coding challenges until my fingers ached, and even bought a new shirt for the occasion. (Pro tip: Iron your shirt. Future you will thank past you for this simple act of adulting.)
I was ready. Or so I thought.
The Grand Entrance
Fashionably Late is Not a Thing
First mistake: I arrived late. Not just a few minutes late, mind you. We’re talking a solid 20 minutes late. Why? Because I grossly underestimated the city traffic and the time it would take to find parking.
As I sprinted into the office, sweating through my freshly ironed shirt, I realized I had already started off on the wrong foot. The receptionist gave me a look that said, “Oh honey, no,” as she called up to let the interviewer know I had finally graced them with my presence.
Lesson learned: Always, and I mean always, do a test run to the interview location. Check the traffic, find the parking, time the walk from the parking to the office. And then add an extra 30 minutes to that. Better to be awkwardly early than stress-inducingly late.
The Technical Challenge
Blanking on the Basics
After apologizing profusely for my tardiness, I was ushered into a room with two developers. They seemed nice enough, but I could tell they were a bit miffed about the wait. We exchanged pleasantries, and then they dropped the bomb:
“So, let’s start with a simple coding challenge. Could you implement a function that reverses a string?”
Simple, right? I had done this a hundred times in my prep. But at that moment, my mind went completely blank. It was like all my JavaScript knowledge had decided to take an impromptu vacation to the Bahamas.
I stared at the whiteboard, marker in hand, for what felt like an eternity. The only thing I managed to write was:
function reverseString(str) {
// Uh...
}
The interviewers exchanged glances. One of them, taking pity on me, said, “Maybe we could start with something else? How about explaining the difference between let, const, and var?”
I nodded eagerly, grateful for the lifeline. And then proceeded to mix up let and const. It was not my finest moment.
Lesson learned: No matter how much you prepare, interview nerves can make you forget even the basics. Take a deep breath, ask for a moment to collect your thoughts, and don’t be afraid to think out loud. Interviewers often want to see your problem-solving process more than the perfect answer.
The Behavioral Questions
Oversharing is Not Caring
After thoroughly embarrassing myself on the technical front, we moved on to the behavioral questions. I thought, “Great! I can talk about myself. How hard can that be?”
Turns out, very hard when you decide to overshare.
When asked about a time I faced a challenge at work, I launched into a 10-minute rant about my current job. I complained about everything from the outdated tech stack to the office coffee. I even threw in an anecdote about how the CEO’s dog once peed on my laptop bag.
The interviewers’ faces were a mix of shock and secondhand embarrassment. I realized too late that I had essentially badmouthed my current employer and came across as a negative person.
Lesson learned: Keep it professional. It’s okay to discuss challenges, but focus on how you overcame them and what you learned. And for the love of all that is holy, leave the office pet stories out of it.
The Questions for the Interviewer
Asking the Wrong Questions
As the interview was wrapping up, they asked if I had any questions for them. This was my chance to redeem myself, to show that I was genuinely interested in the company and the role.
Instead, I asked:
- “What’s your work-from-home policy? I really value my Netflix time.”
- “How strict are you guys about the 9-5 thing? I’m not really a morning person.”
- “So, when do you usually give out raises?”
With each question, the interviewers’ expressions grew more pained. I might as well have asked, “How much can I slack off and still get paid?”
Lesson learned: Prepare thoughtful questions about the company culture, the team’s challenges, or the potential for growth in the role. Show that you’re interested in contributing, not just collecting a paycheck.
The Follow-Up
Radio Silence is Not Golden
After that trainwreck of an interview, I knew my chances were slim to none. But instead of sending a follow-up email to thank them for their time and maybe, just maybe, salvage a shred of dignity, I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I convinced myself that if I pretended the interview never happened, it would somehow erase itself from existence. Spoiler alert: It didn’t.
Lesson learned: Always send a follow-up email. Thank the interviewers for their time, reiterate your interest in the position, and if there were any points you feel you could clarify or expand on, do it here. It’s your last chance to make a good impression.
The Aftermath
Learning from Failure
Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. In fact, I’m pretty sure my interview was used as a “what not to do” example in their HR training for years to come.
But you know what? As mortifying as that experience was, it was also incredibly valuable. It taught me more about interviewing than any successful interview ever could. It was a wake-up call that I needed to take my professional development seriously.
After licking my wounds (and hiding under my blankets for a solid week), I started to analyze what went wrong. I created a pre-interview checklist, practiced my technical skills regularly (not just when I had an interview coming up), and worked on my communication skills.
The Silver Lining
Turning Failure into Success
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself on the other side of the table, interviewing candidates for my team. Guess what? The empathy I gained from my horrible interview experience made me a better interviewer. I knew how nerve-wracking it could be, so I always tried to make candidates feel at ease.
And when I did encounter a candidate who was having a rough time, I remembered my own experience and gave them the chance to recover. Sometimes, the candidates who stumble a bit but show resilience and a willingness to learn turn out to be the best hires.
Conclusion
So there you have it, folks. My worst interview experience laid bare for your entertainment and education. It’s proof that even the most cringe-worthy failures can lead to growth and success if you’re willing to learn from them.
Remember, everyone has bad interviews. Even the most successful developers have stories that would make you wince. The key is to not let those experiences define you, but to use them as stepping stones to becoming a better professional.
And who knows? Maybe one day you’ll be sharing your own horror story, looking back on it with a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude for the lessons it taught you. Until then, may your interviews be less awkward than mine, your code be bug-free, and your career trajectory be ever upward.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go iron my shirt for tomorrow’s meeting. Old habits die hard, after all.